Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, let’s talk about loss. You may have known from the minute you saw a positive pregnancy test that you would choose to abort. Terminating your pregnancy was your initial reaction and you googled “abortion clinics near me” – and you may even have made an appointment at the local abortion clinic. But before you could get there you started bleeding naturally resulting in a miscarriage.
The moment you found out you were pregnant an emotional bond of some degree began between you and your baby. That emotional bond ended when you miscarried, leaving you with pregnancy loss feelings that need to be recognized and expressed regardless of having considered having an abortion.
It is not unusual to feel a combination of relief and deep sadness.
Some women may feel immense guilt – immediately looking for what they might have done to cause the miscarriage or feeling like they’re being “punished”. It can be confusing at times, but it is important to allow yourself to feel all of the different emotions that may come.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your baby. Many women find that their grief follows the 5 stages identified by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. These stages are:
- Denial- (Refusing to believe what has happened).
- Anger- (Blaming yourself or others for the loss).
- Bargaining- (Making a deal with God or yourself to make things go back to the way they were).
- Depression- (Feeling listless, tired, guilty, punished, hopeless, and/or there is no joy left).
- Acceptance- (Realizing that life must go on and making plans and moving forward in life).
You may find yourself skipping between the stages or revisiting one or more of them. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently- there is no “right” way.
Talking to a trusted friend, parent, or counselor may help.
If you find yourself unable to function through your sadness, or turning to drugs, alcohol, or other destructive behaviors to help you cope, it is important that you seek professional help immediately.
Are you or a friend struggling with grief from a pregnancy loss or possibly a past abortion decision? Gateway Women’s Care offers free pregnancy loss counseling and post-abortion care counseling.
Call today – our Raleigh office at 919-833-0096 or Durham office at 919-251-9444 or Chapel Hill Office at 919-537-822.
